School Supplies and Biblical Algebra

Don't you just LOVE a new notebook? No? You're not a crazy - lady like I am? :-)
Well, I think I love school supplies more than I love diamonds...for schizzle. A new notebook and a fresh felt tip pen is the equivalent of the hope diamond for me.
That being said, I thought "Hey, if I'm going to start using a new notebook for my daily bible study...why not try a new study method? (I seriously have a problem)
One thing I must say is that CHANGE is VERY hard for me. VERY. But, God WANTS us to jump out of our comfort zone...because it is THERE where He REALLY speaks to us, right? SO...I have had the book,  Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin for some time now. I had read it once and thought, "nah...this method is so different than what I'm doing...not ready for that.
" WELL...the Lord pointed me back to this book, and ya'll... let me TELL YOU I am seeing things through FRESH EYES. AND....it is AWESOME. [Imagine my best Australian accent encouraged by the lovely Christine Caine.]

Make you smile? :-)

Anywho... I made my enlarged copies of the 2nd half of the book of Acts and began my NEW and IMPROVED study method. Well...
Wow.
A quick recap of Acts 16. Paul and Silas meet up with Timothy...they get him squared away (read:circumcised) and Paul has a dream of a man in Macedonia asking for his help.  (Paul had previously been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to travel there to share the gospel) So...Paul takes this vision as an act of permission from God and they head out to Macedonia.
They hang out for a bit...as they do in each place they visit, and then head out on the Sabbath to find a place to pray. They meet Lydia, the purple fabric lady...get her Saved and make friends with her household...which she opens up to them.
AFTER ALL OF THIS they go into town ...Paul commands a demon to leave a slave girl, whom was being used as a money making fortune teller. Her owners got mad, got Paul and his homies beaten up and jailed.
That night- God commanded a giant earthquake that shook the prison and flung the doors open. The jail guard was ready to off himself, thinking that all of his prisoners had escaped - but Paul cries out, "NO! Don't! We are all still here"

THIS MOMENT is what I want to really talk about.

The jailer throws himself at Paul's feet and asks "what MUST I DO to be SAVED?"

5 minutes ago, this man was the enforcer. The Jailer. The one in CHARGE. Yet, be it the fact that God just, literally, rocked his world,  or the fact that Paul cried out and stopped him from taking his own life...either way, he was now ready to bow down to the ONE in charge. He wanted salvation.
So...Paul spoke the gospel and told him that he must welcome Jesus into his heart. Paul took him and his household that VERY HOUR to be baptized and then they all rejoiced because they believed.

This new method of study gave me a whole new perspective of this chapter in the giant "book of all books."

(I used to think this whole chapter was about the Holy Spirit giving permission to go to Asia and then the magistrates being forced to escort Paul out of the city)

NO. The Lord wanted me to see His truth in action. Jesus gave us the formula. Paul had been out preaching it- and this is a perfect example.

Jesus+Baptism+Belief=SALVATION
Salvation = reason to REJOICE!

It is so simple, yet we lose sight of it daily.

Life throws us lemons. It does. Sometimes my days just stink. Dirty diaper stinky!

Some days, I don't feel like rejoicing.

Heck, some days, I sin so bad that I worry that I have lost my salvation.

But, then?

Jesus.

Paul was beaten up. Straight up stripped and flogged, locked in jail with his feet and hands bound.
My crummy days are NOTHING in comparison to the pain and suffering Paul endured to share the gospel. He just kept using the formula.
Jesus+baptism+belief =salvation

We all have a reason to rejoice. His mercies are new EVERY morning.

{beBlessed} and Have a GREAT day!

Breaking the ties that bind me...to facebook

I am one week sober.
I feel amazing.
I feel...FREE.

I'm not talking about  booze, I haven't had a drink in MANY years. I am talking about kicking the Facebook habit.

I haven't deleted my account...but I have deleted the app from my phone, deleted messenger, and deleted all "linking" media.

I havent sworn off all social media though. Here's why. Other social media outlets, such as instagram, pinterest and even twitter. (Yes, I now have a twitterpater!!!) Allow ME to be in control. But not in a rude way.
Let me explain by elaborating on all of the things that were bothersome to me about Facebook.

*If I was your friend in kindergarten (35 years ago) and I didn't accept your friend request and then  I saw you in Wal Mart and you confronted me as to why... I had to give you an answer.

*If I had been your friend in college and we interact online and I saw you at the mall and you blatantly ignored me. ..I question my self worth.

* If I update my status with biblical truth and words of wisdom that I choose to live my life by...and raise my children by...and then YOU publicly attack me (on "my" Facebook page ) regarding my beliefs...

*I feel bad if I delete you...especially if I see you on a daily basis (in real life)

*if I post a photo of my children (so out of town family can see their adorable antics) it isn't an open invitation to screenshot and share my photo on your own page. Or question my parenting skills...publicly.

...I could continue. But I wont.

I became enslaved to the perfect picture. To the bullying. To the attempt to seem "friendly" with someone I don't really connect with.

***FRIENDSHIP IS MORE THAN A SERIES OF STATUS UPDATES***

I needed to be social with who I wanted to be social with.

Why are Instagram and twitter so different?
SO much more control.
I control the WHO and the WHAT.
95% percent of my Instagram pals are Christian Mommy Bloggers. Throw in a few authors, speakers and artists and I am surrounded by like minded, safe, real people who are doing life the same way that I am.

Twitterpater is all about the pastors and wxxi...for reals.

And pinterest...shoot. I don't personally know ANY of the people I follow. I just like their Chai tea lattes in a blender, their living room curtains and their garden trellises made from cheese.

This past week...

Know what? I don't have my nose buried in my phone writing status updates. On my tablet reading status updates.

I have my nose buried in the bible, in the music on my piano  and in my children's necks.

I am doing life...and then tweeting about it. Not creating a "status" and living up to the creation.

Wanna feel as free as a baby with no diaper?... (cuz that's what's happening in my world as I write this)

Take a break from facebook. You will find your REAL friends again.

{beBlessed} and have  a GREAT day!

p.s. hash tags are super fun.

A Clanging Cymbal...

Me. That's me. A Clanging Cymbal.
I had lost my way. Terribly.

I have spent the last 6 days sick.
When I say sick...I mean...I did not leave my bed (read; toilet) for SIX DAYS.
I had salmonella poisoning or infection or whatever it is even considered. I have given birth 3 times. Had major abdominal surgery. Kidney stones...but THIS. WHOA.

Anyway..let me get back to my theme, here. In an effort save money to enable our family to travel more freely, the Farmer and I have only one television that is "working" and by that I mean, only one Fire stick in the house. So, for the past week I did not have a television to watch (listen to) while writhing in stomach pain. What I did have-was my mind...my bible...and the Holy Spirit.

You see, when there aren't any other distractions...I can focus. Focus on my sins. Focus on my needs. Focus on asking for forgiveness.

I needed to.

I have studied the Bible. I have studied theology. I have studied the art of worship...biblical history...counseling..etc
But even the STRONGEST "book-faith" can't keep a heart from hardening. I had hardened. Rock solid.

I have never been good with change. Especially change that I did not initiate. I have been dealing with a LOT of change. Most of it good...but overwhelming.

This change has pulled me away from my "norm". ..away from MY control...away way from MY way.
But, as any good Jesus scholar should know...it's not about MY way...it's about  HIS way.

I don't know how this whirlwind of change hardened me as deeply as it did. I don't know how I turned into this judgemental, holier than Thou person.

I am a sinner. I'm no different than anyone else. I need grace just as much as the next guy.
Judah Smith talks about sin like a McDonald's menu. I love the analogy. You can supersize it or value size it...in OUR heads.
But, God.
God doesn't have a sin rubric. He doesn't grade us on the severity of our sin. Sin is Sin.
And I am a sinner.

But.

He loves me.

He loves me So flipping much.

He loves ALL of us so flipping much.

The sinners. The bad people. The naughty people. Those of us who don't believe He even exists...HE. LOVES. US.

So...who the heck am I to judge you?

I'm sorry. I forgot Who lives in my heart. I knew where He lived on the pages of my bible. I knew where He lived in my memory and through music. But, I forgot that He lives in MY HEART.

Jesus forgives.
Jesus heals.
Jesus blesses.
Jesus loves.

I'm thankful for the chicken disease. Call me crazy- but,because of it, I unlocked the door to my heart again. And the Guy inside...He welcomed me back with OPEN arms. He always does.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging symbol."
1 Corinthians 13:1

Hello. My name is...

I haven't written in a HOT minute!

I got busy. I have spent the last three months at "home", at my Alma mater, working on Thoroughly Modern Millie. Such fun. Such pride I have towards these kids. ♡

When I last left you, I had asked for prayer and some clarity as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with my little old life.
That sounds way too profound.

Let me rephrase. I am Mama and Teacher A#1 1st before everything. But, I mean, I have a very limited (yet extensive) skill set, that cost a bajillion (not exactly) dollars to educate.

To recap: I was offered a super awesome amazing job. Turned it down-as it wasn't conducive to raising and teaching my little tribe...but the long and the short of it...I felt in my heart that there was something MORE that was going to be asked of me. Something greater.

I had a few prophetic words spoken over me that alluded to such- and I took to learning a quartet full of stringed instruments as a result.

Throw in crazy prayer and fasting...and...well....

Nothin'.

It is SO HARD to let it all roll off. To be humbled and patient. To be silent and let the voice of our Lord speak.

BUT...what do you do if He doesnt?

I have always had a deep connection to my Savior.  I used to believe that I had a pretty legit and intense prayer life. But I am starting to doubt myself now. I can't hear Him.

Why?

Have I hit the mute button on my heavenly line?

I had this "signature song" that I used to sing. The chorus  goes...
"Operator, information, give me Jesus on the line. Oh oh oh operator information I'd like to speak to a friend if mine-
Prayer is the number
Faith is the exchange
Heaven is the street
And Jesus is His name.."

I sing this song to myself sometimes...and lately, I feel like I'm getting a busy signal ALL THE TIME.

(If you are under 25 and reading this you probably have NO IDEA what a busy signal sounds like. Google it)

It is so easy to lose faith. I now know how it happens to people. There is this "lost in the wilderness" feeling that I can only describe as feeling like I'm standing in the  fun house mirror that makes you look short with thousands of people around me that are giant.

I know that I am to give up more of me so that I can have more of Him.

I get that.

But I also know that I need to share His love with whomever will listen...and there is really only one way that I know how... and, well,that's not possible here.

I need to grow where I'm planted. I get that too. But was I planted as a tomato and expected to grow as a squash?

I don't know that either.

The only thing I know how to do is pray. So I guess I'll keep on doing that. Who knows- maybe my direct line was knocked off the hook.
I'll get through...eventually .

I'm famous in my FATHER'S eyes

I have started and stopped this post a jillion times over the last year. It's a hard one to write. It is so incredibly personal  and real, yet hard to convey this message without sounding...wel...conceited.

I have prayed so much for this area of my life. For as long as I can remember. 

Picture this:
Ursula, mid song,
"Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It doesn't cost much
Just your...

VOICE

Your VOICE.
To most, your voice is your means of communication, car ride entertainment and soothing instrument for your children.

For me...it's been a huge part of my identity. Really. I have prayed to be successful in using it. I have prayed not to lose  it. I have prayed for healing so as to not have surgery to risk ruining it. I have paid to insure it, in case it was taken from me and I could no longer use it to make a living. (Yes. You can do that. And, apparently, a talented insurance salesman could have also sold me a beach house in Antarctica)

When in was 4 years old, I stood on the stage in my home town's community center and belted "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie. We had an old cassette tape recording of it for years. (It has since worn out...being 34 years old, you know.) But at that moment...I began to be identified as,  "the little girl who could sing"

I was blessed with some amazing music teachers in my younger years. I became an accomplished pianist, woodwind player. ..but my 2nd grade music teacher saw something special.

She put me in a top hat and cane and had me sing "Puttin'on the Ritz" for a school performance.( As an adult, all I can think about is Young Frankenstein when I mention that song...but I digress. :-)
Mrs. D. firmly believed that I should be on stage...

My high school choral teacher became another parent to me, guiding me towards greatness. He believed that I was destined to share my GIFT with the world.
And...I did.
With hundreds...thousands...dare I say millions?

Here is where I always stop when I write this. Because I have this inner struggle with sounding arrogant...conceited...full of myself.

Without saying these next few things, though, this post won't make sense- so here I go.

I am an amazing vocalist. I have worked and trained and traveled with the best in the field. I have studied at Julliard and the Eastman School of Music. I have performed on Broadway stages. I have made a name for myself, and earned a living because of...my voice.

The business of show (as I like to call it) isn't one that can run entirely parallel with living a Godly, family life. So in recent years as I have begun to raise my family with Jesus at my core, and the business  of show is now known as my FORMER profession. However, my gift remains. BUT...though it still exists, giving my heart to the Lord has somewhat also resulted  in "giving" my voice...to Ursula.

But, does it HAVE to be that way?

Though my children  are my "new profession", and my "other kids", whom I adore directing in educational theatre, keep me current in the field. I MISS using my voice.
But, MAN! It is hard to do this on God's terms.

I recently turned down a job that was almost ideal. But taking me on the road and away from my babies isn't God's plan for me. I know that...but do I still wish I could stand up on a stage and lead worship to thousands? YES!

What IS His plan? How am I supposed to use this gift? 

I had a prophetic word spoken over me last week. Two, actually. Two different prophets had a GOOD word to say over me.

The first word outlined my heart for worship and my desire and talent to bring people in to the Lord. She saw me with a guitar and as "One Before Many".

[Wow! Right?]

The second word, separate from~ and without knowing me, OR the previous  word spoken ~ advised me to do this:
"Make a Mark". I "have been groomed" to do the work of the Lord.

I have been in crazy prayer. I have been asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to do. I know that my earthly desires are asking me to sing. I also, know that this gift (not necessarily a spiritual gift) but a personal gift, needs to be used for His glory.  I know that the act of singing in public brings me enjoyment. I know that the Lord wants us to enjoy our earthly lives and that He gives us the tools we need to enjoy them. The million dollar question, though, is HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?

I have cried over this. Seriously. Big, bad, UGLY cries. So much of WHO I am is what I can SHARE with my VOICE. Some people are able to share the gospel simply by having a conversation, or turning to the scripture. Me, I sing a song.  I would be the craziest most passionate evangelist in the world...if I could sing the word of God!!!

An answer hasn't been given to me. I will continue to pray. Would YOU  consider praying for me?  For clarity. For a path? For an answer? For an outlet?

I feel SO full of love and the Holy Spirit. I want to share this grace  and love and knowledge of salvation.

{beBlessed} and Have a GREAT day!

I HEART these!!! My February FAVORITES!

Happy LOVE month! And even though that little groundhog saw his shadow and we will have 6 more weeks of winter (at least!) I have found some AWESOME things for you to enjoy!

1. Jesus. My number 1 man...always. if you have never taken the time to build a relationship with Him...this is YOUR chance! He is the BEST Valentine you could ask for. He loves you when you are messy,and raw, and hurting, and happy. True love. TRUE.

2. Sharpie Pens. WHY has it taken me so long to find and adore these pens? They are perfection.

3. My kiddos. I know, I know...you can't have them...but I just really really love them. Motherhood is HARD and exhausting and happy and fun at the same time. Love on your kids, girls. LOVE on them as much as you can. They will thank you for it when they are older. I promise you that.

4. Moleskin notebooks. All of them. I am using a Moleskin calendar for all of my "out of the house" activities, and LOVE it's portability. I also love that each week has the "day grid" but also a FULL blank page for notes. AND....for someone who is ALWAYS writing something down...I just love it to infinity!
My current journal  (I burn through  about  1 per month) is the Moleskin grid paper kind. It's a nifty spin on regular writing lines. Loving it!

5. KLOVE radio.
It's no secret that I LOVE me some Christian Contemporary Music. Well...a game changer occurred this past summer and KLOVE began broadcasting on a local signal that I could receive at HOME! I have loved KLOVE on road trips etc. and I love it even MORE now that I can listen to it all day long! Want to take the 30 day challenge? Listen to nothing but Christian music for 30 days and see how much it impacts your life! www.klove.com

6.Nonnie Blankies. Again...you can't get one. But they are our favorite snuggle friend during this chilly season. My mom made all of the kids a blanket for Christmas last year, as well as my sister and I.  We LOVE these blankets. It's as if my Mama sewed a bit of her heart right into them. My boys say that "Nonnie is hugging them" when they curl up with their blankie.

7. Kindle Fire HDX.
Again, no secret that I am anti-apple. [the electronics NOT the fruit!!! Phew]
So, when I was in the market for a tablet- to use for homeschooling  tasks, music, video and reading- I did a TON of research. The reviews pointed to Amazon.
I am obsessed with all things Amazon. (Duh, where else can you avoid going out into the frozen tundra to get dishwasher soap and have it delivered to your doorstep 24 hours later? YUP...just did that) So....Amazon Kindle Fire HDX it was! And it is every single bit as brilliant as all of the reviews said it would be. I am in love. ♡

8. JAMBERRY NAILS!
I have always had a nail polish obsession. I have blogged about many of my "favorite" nail products. Don't get me wrong, I DO love all of the previous mentioned products, BUT...Jamberry is a GAME CHANGER. NO chemicals in them, on them or when taking them off. A bazillion  designs. Safe, easy, fun. 1 sheet of nails gets you  FOUR mani/pedis!!! $15 for FOUR!?!...I will take that ANY day! AND When you buy 3 you get one FREE....always. LOVE.
www.daniteeple.jamberry.com

9. Jen Hatmaker.
Period.
Talk about a woman completely  WRECKED for Jesus. Jen has been writing Christian books for a while now. She has been making her rounds on the speaker circuit, and recently filmed an HGTV special- highliting the renovation of her new home alongside her Pastor husband Brandon. One of Jens books that has REALLY impacted the way I "do life" is
INTERRUPTED . Jen  released an updated version of the book a few months back and I recommend reading it to ANYONE who wants to deepen their relationship with the Lord, and live a more intentional life.
www.jenhatmaker.com

10.  Pen and Paper
We live in a digital world. There is no way around it. However, the physical act of putting pen to paper is one that is therapeutic in a way that goes MUCH deeper than "You just don't like change".
Here are some stats:

• writing things down, pen to paper, aids in brain development  and cognitive processing
• it actually slows you down. ..which is GOOD FOR YOU. We live in such a GO GO GO world, that it is "expected" of you to always be moving. Writing things long hand vs typing slows you down in a way that will make you think and process your thoughts.
• limits distractions! Just now...as I am typing this, I got a beep for facebook, a beep for Instagram a beep for email and and text message. Turn off your electronics and curl up with your journal. You never know what you  could create!
• CREATIVITY. Goodness...creativity is my favorite personal attribute. It is my favorite trait of my children...my favorite aspect of education, that I am able to preserve by homeschooling them. When nothing is distracting your focus...you CAN delve into the depths of your imagination and BE CREATIVE.

That's it for this month, my friends. Take some time to enjoy LOVING yourself. You will be amazed by how much easier it is to love on everyone else...when you love yourself.

{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day!
♡

"You is kind, You is smart, You is important"

It's been 6 weeks.

It's been 6 weeks since I last published anything.

There haven't been any major life events that prohibited me from writing. Just life. And...life can take twists and turns that are so unexpected and weird and profound that instead of sharing it all, I needed to let it soak in. Let it all resonate in my heart, so that I could live this life,that I have been given, with intention and faith.

That's really the key. Intentional  living.

I am so tired of trying to PROVE levels of success and  effort and reasoning. I have made the pledge time and time again that I was going to "live for me and not care about anyone else"
Seriously, though. How many of us can truly do that? The enemy gets into our heads...(and the hearts of others) and after fighting the good fight consistently for a while. ..we are back at the same spot.
Was my Christmas gift good enough for them?

Did I sound ok when I sang that?

Do I look fat?

Is my house clean enough to have them over?

Ugh...their house  is SO nice.

It's never ending.

Don't pretend that you don't do this. Everyone does.

The sad fact is, though, many of you really believe  that the answers to those questions are important. That you MUST display perfection at all times. Keeping up appearances and expectations and social status on a daily basis is EXHAUSTING.

and... "I ain't got time for that"

I want to....wait -I wholeheartedly  DESIRE to live my life intentionally. Intentional for my children and husband and friends and family, but most of all for my Jesus.

He was perfect. He was the only one. The ONLY sinless human being on earth (after Eve ate the dang apple). Don't be fooled. NO ONE else  on this earth has been, is or will be...sinless.

And, without sin one can be said to be flawless. Jesus was.

What is perfection though?
A perfect body is one without flaw.

Beauty. Beautiful. Pretty. Skinny. Tan...

Societal paramemters...not biblical.

Which is more important to you? The 100 years on earth trying to look perfect, or the infinitive years in heaven living the ultimate perfection?

Can ya'll visualize the picture I'm trying to draw for you?

Jesus was PERFECT.
NO ONE else was.

He LOVED the imperfect. ADORED the blatantly flawed. And is actively seeking to LOVE on YOUR crazy imperfections.

The ONLY standards that I plan on living up to are God's.

"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standards" Romans 3:23

And its ok. I know that I will never compare to the perfect, flawless image that Jesus set forth. But I DO know that He is the only standard I need to live by.
Not my neighbor. Not a magazine.
Not a movie.

Just Jesus.

So, forgive me for taking some time to just soak it all in. I have been given the task of raising these 3 little boys to live authentically. I can't do that-  if I'm not.

I pray that you, too, find some peace and balance of intentional living. God is ALWAYS right here with us. It's crazy that I forget that sometimes. He is as close as saying, " I need you right now." He is here.

I plan to be back to a normal publishing schedule this week. Get ready for an all new super amazing Favorite Things list on Sunday!

Please. Take time for YOU. Get to know your God.  Don't stress over unimportant  things. Use your gifts. Help those in need and remember that the ONLY standard worth working towards  is the one set forth by THE ONE.

{beBlessed } and Have a GREAT day!