Conforming to fact and therefore worthy of trust, reliance, or belief...

I am a terrible blogger. Seriously, I am.

There are some days that are SO hard for me to even function as a human being, that my commitment to writing feels like an unreachable task.
Cushings Syndrome sucks. It does.  there is no easy way around it.  There is no real cure.  There are herbs and oils that are helping to lessen my symptoms, BUT no matter what I am doing to counteract the effects of the over production of cortisol, if I am adding STRESS, nothing is going to help.

This season = stress.

Stress from being the only adult that is parenting my children during this season.
Stress due the only intelligent conversations that I am having on a daily basis, occur with a 6 a 5 and a 1 year old.
Stress because when the man I love works more than 80 hours per week, the last thing he wants to do is deal with a crying, tired child, or a crying tired wife.
Stress because I feel like a failure as a follower of Christ. I know that I should just trust the Lord to take control and take care of us.  But, the exhaustion of this disease is REAL.  The emotions are REAL.  The work is REAL.
To many, I look normal.  I can muster up enough "pretty and poise" to go out in "public" and seem put together. I'm not
. 

This. Season. Sucks.

We all have them.

I know that we all have  crummy seasons in life. I know that every single person in this world does NOT live an instagram perfect life. Sometimes, I wish that more people would commit themselves to living an honest, authentic life. To portray their TRUTH via social media, instead of a fantasy.


 Dont get me wrong, everyone deserves to have a fantasy. Shoot, in my fantasy, I would look the way I looked 10 years ago, my children would be perfectly behaved and my husband would leave his job and wisk us all off to a week in Disney World! But, as awesome as that sounds. (man a week at Disney is SO needed right now) It is NOT my TRUTH.

My truth is this:
My name is Danielle
I love Jesus.
I live in a small, small, small town on a gorgeous apple farm.
I am married to the most wonderful man and he is my best friend. He works day and night to provide for our family.
I have 3 precious gifts from the Lord.  They are smart, and funny and loving...and crazy, and exhausting and hard.

I am committed to giving my children a life full of love, and faith and exploration and truth.
I don't have the outward appearance that I would like to have, but I am content with who I am.
I am always tired.  I am always dreaming. I am always wishing that I could be whisked away to someplace fantasmical.
But, when the day is done, I am Danielle, I love Jesus and I love my family.

We were meant to live this life in community with others. HOW can we find a community of others LIKE us, if we are not being authentic with our portrayal of ourselves?

I challenge you to be real.  Be You. Be tired.  Be natural. Be messy-haired. Be yoga pants and tank top. Be YOUR TRUTH.

This is me, right now, 4:30PM on Tuesday.  Yoga pants, tank top, no make-up, bags under my eyes. But what you can't see in the photo, is that I have an adorable baby at my feet, an inquisitive 5 years old chatting with me while I type and a smart 6 year old laying on the couch reading. Truth, may not be pretty, but it sure is BEAUTIFUL to me.

Use Social Media to help create authentic community. Don't contribute to the illusion of "perfect".

This season, is a season of TRUTH.



{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day.

A season of busy is WAY better than a season of PANIC.

Goodness, I am starting to think that there should be a 5th season and just call it BUSY!


First of all, whoever came up with the cockamamie idea that "Homeschooled children are anti-social and have no friends" is a doofus. Can I get an Amen, homeschooling, Mamas? I don't stop running!  Between playdates, field trips, our community homeschool group, sports and play practice...my kids are WELL socialized, and so am I.  Praise GOD!;-) As busy as we are though, I am thankful...because I few short years ago...I didn't even leave my house.

One of the hardest things for me to adjust to, when I left the "real world" and became at SAHM (or WORK at home Mom, as I like to note) The thing I missed the most was my friends.At the time, the only interaction I had during the day was an 18 month old baby and I was 7 months pregnant...during Apple Harvest! I missed having SOMEONE to talk to. I would put the Dude down for a nap, watch marathons of Jon and Kate +8  and talk to the television! (don't judge)
 I was alone.  Isolated, not only by geographic location, but because of my belief in raising my OWN children versus remaining in the work force to raise OTHER people's children.

 After having a preemie, I became neurotic. I have NO shame admitting that.  My doctor seriously called me that.  It wasn't post partum depression, like everyone and their brother wanted to label me as,  It was pure and simple, PANIC.

When you spend days and days sitting at the bedside of this little life that you have been growing inside you, as he has a tube down his throat, eating through another tube in his stomach with a giant needle providing medicine in his head, your brain goes places. Its really hard to explain. You think about scenarios that NO ONE should have to think about, and few actually have to live. I would pray for solace. I would pray for peace in my heart.  I would pray for healing. And, then I would find myself bargaining with God.  Like...if you let him get better, and grow stronger, I PROMISE to...

The first time I got to hold Philip.  2 days old.

After we were home and beginning to have some semblance of normalcy, my brain would STILL go to that ugly place. I didn't do ANYTHING outside of the house without my husband or mother. I didn't trust myself. Seriously.
I did't sleep.
I was constantly up, staring at my baby.  Making sure that he was breathing.
Making sure that we had clear route out of the house in case of a fire.
Making sure that there was an alternate route in case the 1st route was obstructed.
 Making sure that my phone was charged in case I had to leave quickly.
Where was a weapon? Was it l ready in case someone broke in to our home and tried to steal my children?
Where are my car keys, ok, I have the spare set here next to the bed in case I need to leave during the night. Shoot, I wasn't going to be the one to drive anywhere...I was scared of that too!

 I had pants, shoes and my purse at my bedside in case....in case...

In case of WHAT?



Why?

I can 100% tell you why.

I was WAY to worried about the "things" that could hurt us, instead of putting my FAITH in the ONE that would protect us.

I was a Christian then...but I wasn't Christian.
Did you catch that?

I was A Christian, but I wasn't Christian.

Sure, I went to church, I prayed, I did a devotional...but I wasn't committing my BEING to Christ. I wasn't giving my thoughts to Him.   I hadn't totally dedicated my LIFE to Him.

Does that make sense?

God has a way of guiding you, through His word and prayer -that only happens when you LET GO and LET GOD.  I know that you have heard that saying before, right?  And it is TRUTH!



We don't have control.  We can't predict the future...and HE doesn't want us to.  What He wants us to do is to TRUST Him. THIS, my dear friends, has been the hardest task I have ever had to do. I had a professor, during my pastoral studies, that gave us all this assignment. He said to us, "Unless YOU have completely given yourself to Christ, you could never guide anyone else to follow His path" It was time to give up the WORLD and give in to the Creator of It All.

Know what?  It has been the BEST task that I have ever completed. Today, almost 5 years since the early birth of my middle man, Philip, I can say with 100% conviction, I am still HERE because I trusted God.

Are YOU ready to put your trust in Him?  I promise you, you won't regret it.

Great is His faithfulness. His mercies are new, EVERY morning.
lamentations 3:23




{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day!

A Love Letter...

Dear David,
It's been a long 11 days. I haven't visited you since Easter. I don't have a concrete answer why...except that life just got in the way.
David, I see so much of me in you.  I don't feel worthy to possess the same traits as the greatest ruler of Israel. But, I guess there's a bit of you in all of us.
God used you in remarkable ways. You didn't know it then, but your trials and your tribulations have gone on to bless generation upon generation. For your faith and trust in the Lord kept you safe- no matter what level of adversity was thrown your way or how many people were determined to kill you. You trusted. You prayed. You had faith.
It's been a rough week. A diagnosis of adrenal fatigue, packing for our trip to Pennsylvania,  church council, being away from the younger 2 boys, planning for the beginning of a new drama ministry production,  planning for a {beBlessed} retreat,  raising 3 energetic and loving boys, trying to keep a marriage pleasant,  cooking, cleaning, schooling, working...it ALL started to weigh heavily on my heart.
I didn't want to pray. I didn't want to give thanks. I didn't want to even get out of bed. But then, my heart directed my mind to think of you. Hidden away in a cave, avoiding Saul and his armies, PRAYING that you would not die. THANKING the Lord for His Blessings and forging ahead.
I know that you KNEW that you were the anointed King, but by your faith alone, you believed that you would make it to the throne.
I needed to get up, give thanks for my blessings and pray for His help.

You,  David, allowed the Lord to be around you. All the time. I needed to follow your lead.

I am someone who tends to block out everyone when things aren't going great. I don't want anyone's help. "I've got it and "I'll make it work", have become statements that are frequent in my daily rhetoric. BUT...why in the world was I blocking out GOD? Why would I think that the One who created me, who loves me unconditionally wouldn't want to help me?
I was raised to believe that you only prayed to honor (rote prayers) or to beg for help or forgiveness when things were not going well. But you, David,  have taught me to pray all the time. That my relationship with the Lord is just that...A relationship. He WANTS to hear from me. HE WANTS to help me...All the time. Not JUST when things are in dire straights...BUT ALL of the time.

You wrote it best, David,  in Psalm 54

"SAVE ME!
Vindicate me by your mighty strength and power.
God is my helper and ally.
For he has delivered me out of every trouble."
(paraphrased)

Thank you, David. Thank you for reminding me to ALWAYS look to the Lord.
Love,
Danielle

{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day.