I'm famous in my FATHER'S eyes

I have started and stopped this post a jillion times over the last year. It's a hard one to write. It is so incredibly personal  and real, yet hard to convey this message without sounding...wel...conceited.

I have prayed so much for this area of my life. For as long as I can remember. 

Picture this:
Ursula, mid song,
"Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It doesn't cost much
Just your...

VOICE

Your VOICE.
To most, your voice is your means of communication, car ride entertainment and soothing instrument for your children.

For me...it's been a huge part of my identity. Really. I have prayed to be successful in using it. I have prayed not to lose  it. I have prayed for healing so as to not have surgery to risk ruining it. I have paid to insure it, in case it was taken from me and I could no longer use it to make a living. (Yes. You can do that. And, apparently, a talented insurance salesman could have also sold me a beach house in Antarctica)

When in was 4 years old, I stood on the stage in my home town's community center and belted "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie. We had an old cassette tape recording of it for years. (It has since worn out...being 34 years old, you know.) But at that moment...I began to be identified as,  "the little girl who could sing"

I was blessed with some amazing music teachers in my younger years. I became an accomplished pianist, woodwind player. ..but my 2nd grade music teacher saw something special.

She put me in a top hat and cane and had me sing "Puttin'on the Ritz" for a school performance.( As an adult, all I can think about is Young Frankenstein when I mention that song...but I digress. :-)
Mrs. D. firmly believed that I should be on stage...

My high school choral teacher became another parent to me, guiding me towards greatness. He believed that I was destined to share my GIFT with the world.
And...I did.
With hundreds...thousands...dare I say millions?

Here is where I always stop when I write this. Because I have this inner struggle with sounding arrogant...conceited...full of myself.

Without saying these next few things, though, this post won't make sense- so here I go.

I am an amazing vocalist. I have worked and trained and traveled with the best in the field. I have studied at Julliard and the Eastman School of Music. I have performed on Broadway stages. I have made a name for myself, and earned a living because of...my voice.

The business of show (as I like to call it) isn't one that can run entirely parallel with living a Godly, family life. So in recent years as I have begun to raise my family with Jesus at my core, and the business  of show is now known as my FORMER profession. However, my gift remains. BUT...though it still exists, giving my heart to the Lord has somewhat also resulted  in "giving" my voice...to Ursula.

But, does it HAVE to be that way?

Though my children  are my "new profession", and my "other kids", whom I adore directing in educational theatre, keep me current in the field. I MISS using my voice.
But, MAN! It is hard to do this on God's terms.

I recently turned down a job that was almost ideal. But taking me on the road and away from my babies isn't God's plan for me. I know that...but do I still wish I could stand up on a stage and lead worship to thousands? YES!

What IS His plan? How am I supposed to use this gift? 

I had a prophetic word spoken over me last week. Two, actually. Two different prophets had a GOOD word to say over me.

The first word outlined my heart for worship and my desire and talent to bring people in to the Lord. She saw me with a guitar and as "One Before Many".

[Wow! Right?]

The second word, separate from~ and without knowing me, OR the previous  word spoken ~ advised me to do this:
"Make a Mark". I "have been groomed" to do the work of the Lord.

I have been in crazy prayer. I have been asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to do. I know that my earthly desires are asking me to sing. I also, know that this gift (not necessarily a spiritual gift) but a personal gift, needs to be used for His glory.  I know that the act of singing in public brings me enjoyment. I know that the Lord wants us to enjoy our earthly lives and that He gives us the tools we need to enjoy them. The million dollar question, though, is HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?

I have cried over this. Seriously. Big, bad, UGLY cries. So much of WHO I am is what I can SHARE with my VOICE. Some people are able to share the gospel simply by having a conversation, or turning to the scripture. Me, I sing a song.  I would be the craziest most passionate evangelist in the world...if I could sing the word of God!!!

An answer hasn't been given to me. I will continue to pray. Would YOU  consider praying for me?  For clarity. For a path? For an answer? For an outlet?

I feel SO full of love and the Holy Spirit. I want to share this grace  and love and knowledge of salvation.

{beBlessed} and Have a GREAT day!

I HEART these!!! My February FAVORITES!

Happy LOVE month! And even though that little groundhog saw his shadow and we will have 6 more weeks of winter (at least!) I have found some AWESOME things for you to enjoy!

1. Jesus. My number 1 man...always. if you have never taken the time to build a relationship with Him...this is YOUR chance! He is the BEST Valentine you could ask for. He loves you when you are messy,and raw, and hurting, and happy. True love. TRUE.

2. Sharpie Pens. WHY has it taken me so long to find and adore these pens? They are perfection.

3. My kiddos. I know, I know...you can't have them...but I just really really love them. Motherhood is HARD and exhausting and happy and fun at the same time. Love on your kids, girls. LOVE on them as much as you can. They will thank you for it when they are older. I promise you that.

4. Moleskin notebooks. All of them. I am using a Moleskin calendar for all of my "out of the house" activities, and LOVE it's portability. I also love that each week has the "day grid" but also a FULL blank page for notes. AND....for someone who is ALWAYS writing something down...I just love it to infinity!
My current journal  (I burn through  about  1 per month) is the Moleskin grid paper kind. It's a nifty spin on regular writing lines. Loving it!

5. KLOVE radio.
It's no secret that I LOVE me some Christian Contemporary Music. Well...a game changer occurred this past summer and KLOVE began broadcasting on a local signal that I could receive at HOME! I have loved KLOVE on road trips etc. and I love it even MORE now that I can listen to it all day long! Want to take the 30 day challenge? Listen to nothing but Christian music for 30 days and see how much it impacts your life! www.klove.com

6.Nonnie Blankies. Again...you can't get one. But they are our favorite snuggle friend during this chilly season. My mom made all of the kids a blanket for Christmas last year, as well as my sister and I.  We LOVE these blankets. It's as if my Mama sewed a bit of her heart right into them. My boys say that "Nonnie is hugging them" when they curl up with their blankie.

7. Kindle Fire HDX.
Again, no secret that I am anti-apple. [the electronics NOT the fruit!!! Phew]
So, when I was in the market for a tablet- to use for homeschooling  tasks, music, video and reading- I did a TON of research. The reviews pointed to Amazon.
I am obsessed with all things Amazon. (Duh, where else can you avoid going out into the frozen tundra to get dishwasher soap and have it delivered to your doorstep 24 hours later? YUP...just did that) So....Amazon Kindle Fire HDX it was! And it is every single bit as brilliant as all of the reviews said it would be. I am in love. ♡

8. JAMBERRY NAILS!
I have always had a nail polish obsession. I have blogged about many of my "favorite" nail products. Don't get me wrong, I DO love all of the previous mentioned products, BUT...Jamberry is a GAME CHANGER. NO chemicals in them, on them or when taking them off. A bazillion  designs. Safe, easy, fun. 1 sheet of nails gets you  FOUR mani/pedis!!! $15 for FOUR!?!...I will take that ANY day! AND When you buy 3 you get one FREE....always. LOVE.
www.daniteeple.jamberry.com

9. Jen Hatmaker.
Period.
Talk about a woman completely  WRECKED for Jesus. Jen has been writing Christian books for a while now. She has been making her rounds on the speaker circuit, and recently filmed an HGTV special- highliting the renovation of her new home alongside her Pastor husband Brandon. One of Jens books that has REALLY impacted the way I "do life" is
INTERRUPTED . Jen  released an updated version of the book a few months back and I recommend reading it to ANYONE who wants to deepen their relationship with the Lord, and live a more intentional life.
www.jenhatmaker.com

10.  Pen and Paper
We live in a digital world. There is no way around it. However, the physical act of putting pen to paper is one that is therapeutic in a way that goes MUCH deeper than "You just don't like change".
Here are some stats:

• writing things down, pen to paper, aids in brain development  and cognitive processing
• it actually slows you down. ..which is GOOD FOR YOU. We live in such a GO GO GO world, that it is "expected" of you to always be moving. Writing things long hand vs typing slows you down in a way that will make you think and process your thoughts.
• limits distractions! Just now...as I am typing this, I got a beep for facebook, a beep for Instagram a beep for email and and text message. Turn off your electronics and curl up with your journal. You never know what you  could create!
• CREATIVITY. Goodness...creativity is my favorite personal attribute. It is my favorite trait of my children...my favorite aspect of education, that I am able to preserve by homeschooling them. When nothing is distracting your focus...you CAN delve into the depths of your imagination and BE CREATIVE.

That's it for this month, my friends. Take some time to enjoy LOVING yourself. You will be amazed by how much easier it is to love on everyone else...when you love yourself.

{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day!
♡