Looking back...OLD blog post

The post that follows was originally written in November of 2011. Roughly a year before Levi was born. Before I had even become pregnant with him. This week in May has been rough on me for the last couple of years...as it should, right?

I read these words...that I WROTE with a bit of disbelief. I am such a different person now. My walk with the Lord has become such a faithful one, and the language I use in this post is not language that I would use today. I am not going to edit it though.  THIS is who I was then. It is a part of who I am today.

I still think about my Angel Baby. I wonder what she would look like,  if she would be a crazy toddler ( she would have been 2 and a half now)...but then I think...would I have had Levi if I hadn't lost her? I can't imagine my life without my sweet, smart, loving bundle of pure JOY.

I PRAY for all women, every night. I pray that they never have to experience what I have. But, if she does,  I pray that she has a support system,  lots of love and most importantly FAITH.

♡

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Losing..and Gaining...is there more to them?
To Lose: to have something taken away.
Pretty straight forward definition.

To lose a football game...victory is "taken away" from one team.
To lose your favorite pen...the joy of writing is "taken away"
To lose weight....pounds and inches are "taken away" from your body.

Again, pretty straight forward.

The social element of loss is what muddies the water, so to speak.  There is never a "straight forward" conversation when speaking of "loss".

When your favorite team loses a big game...you may yell, sulk and even be miserable for a few hours.  Your buddies will raz you about your team stinking...but in the end, no real harm is done.

When you lose weight, however, the world actually sees a different person and their perception of that person is different.  Communication with that person is different. Most often than not, no harm is done and the individual doing the "losing" feels great and supported.

When a person gains weight, communication about that particular fact doesn't happen. No one wants to be told that they are "fat"...but a dialogue about what else might be going on with them, may actually help. Not everyone is FAT because they eat McDonald's every day.  Not everyone gains weight because they stopped excercising.  There are a miriad of other "things" that can alter a person's life and THOSE are things that our culture does not know how to show compassion and understanding for, when dealing with an obviously hurting and struggling fellow human being.

I haven't publicly spoken about my journey, yet.  But as I enter the 1st week of December and am facing each morning, I feel that maybe if I am ready to talk about some things, it will help to heal me.  You see, I was planning on spending this Holiday season with THREE children. As a matter of fact, a week from today was to be my due date.

One night late in May, I wasn't feeling quite well. And, without going into much detail, the child that we had been praying for, planning for,  trying for...excited to have join our lives and complete our family...went to be with Jesus, instead of with us.  Our baby, was taken away.

We had just had our thumbs up appointment, we were 13 weeks along and had just begun to tell everyone that we were expecting again. And when I say that my world crumbled...it did...in an enormous way.

SO....loss.  How does one communicate with another human being about the loss of a baby?  I can tell you how:
" Oh, honey be thankful for the two you already have."  response in my head: Well FUCKING duh, asshole. Do you honestly think that a day goes by when I don't wake up to their smiling faces and thank our Lord that I have been blessed with them?
***result...keeping comment internal....10 lbs. gained to my ass

"Maybe you weren't meant to have another baby" response in my head: You honestly think so?  Do you think the months of fertility treatments, doctors appointments and sleepless nights were in vain? A 15 year old child can get pregnant and rave about her new "family" and I, at 33 years old, can't have a child that I truly WANT? Go to hell.
***result...keeping comment internal....10 lbs. gained to my thighs

"There was obviously something wrong with the baby anyway...you are better off" response in my head: I hope that you burn in hell.
***result...keeping comment internal...20 lbs. gained to my belly

~I then stopped seeking comfort, trying to rationalize and trying to heal entirely by myself.~

So here we have an honest communication about LOSS and GAIN.  I LOST a child, a dream and a piece of my soul all in one night.  I GAINED 50 lbs. over the last 6 months because no one wanted to talk about MY pain...MY feeling of failure to my child and my husband, and no one wanted to just hug me and tell me that they were SORRY.

Possible lesson to learn: Next time you want to gossip about someone you saw in a store who had gained a bunch of weight...think twice.  Next time you want to stare at someone because they look different...think twice. Next time you want to give an old friend a hug, because it looks as if she might need one...please do.  You would be amazed by what you would GAIN in return.

Dick, Jane and The Dude...

Oh my goodness gracious!

I have been SOOOOO busy that I have not had a chance to even sit at my desk, not to mention at the computer WRITING!

I know that I really NEED to set aside time each day for my writing.  It really is what helps me to “decompress” and relax, helps me to get my thoughts out of my head and I KNOW that I sleep better once these thoughts are out here in cyber-land.

Just WHAT have we been up to?

SO much!

We have been in full bloom, out here on the farm.  The winter did decide to hit the road and it seems as if the Spring time tasks around the farm all came due at once!  We had a beautiful blossom and I got the kids outside for some photos.

What has REALLY been taking up my time is schooling the boys.  I had “Spring Time” lessons planned beginning in early April.  Well, the weather didn’t quite cooperate with MY plans, so we have been playing “catch up” and trying to get all of our field trip and exploration done!  The boys have really taken to creating field journals, and they are SO easy to create yourself. (better yet, THEY can create their own!)

This is my first year as a “Homeschool teacher” and it’s a bit different than being a public school teacher”. Though I only have 1 (next year 2) children to report on, I still have to do ALL of the same state reporting.  I have to submit an Individual Home Education Plan [similar to the OLD IEP format that you “ancient” teachers, like me, remember writing] I also have to have copies of ALL of the materials that I will be using next year. THIS, my friends, is the toughest part for me. I am indecisive. I know what I want to accomplish, HOW I want to do it, and my heart always returns to the “Old Way” of doing things, versus the “New and Improved”.  Which should I use? Why do I even battle with myself?  If you are comfortable teaching something...your will TEACH BETTER. It's a proven fact. Why reinvent the wheel?

 When I first started teaching …14 years ago- I was a self-contained, 8:1:1 teacher.  My Masters work was focused on remedial reading and curriculum development- focused on multi-sensory learning. My first teaching assignment proved PERFECT for writing my thesis, as my kiddos not only needed the reading support, but they also needed to utilize a variety of different learning styles to be successful. I found success with these kids, using some “older” programs, which were:

1.     1.  Proven to be successful

2.       2.Been tried, practiced, tested, modified, edited and reworked

3.       3. I was highly trained to use them

As the years passed, (and really not MANY years, in the BIG scheme of things) I went on to use FIVE different “Reading Programs”, 3 sets of NYS assessments, writing curriculum (with major changes) 3 different times and NOW, the introduction of the Common Core Standards and all of the curriculum changes that go along with them. [PRAISE GOD that I am no longer in the public school system!!!]

Knowing my background in Literacy/Special Education, people often ask me WHAT curriculum I use with my kiddos, and why? They ask my thoughts on the “Core” and I offer it freely. I thought I may share my thoughts with you all. Some of you may just be starting your homeschool journey, some of you may be seasoned “Mommy-teachers”, but I thought that you may be interested in knowing what a Teacher-turned-Mommy-turned –“Mommy-Teacher” recommends.

First and foremost, when you begin home education, the foundation is the MOST important. Just as in building a house, if your foundation isn’t solid, your house will never hold up.

Your little ones need to build a solid foundation, one that fosters a LOVE FOR LEARNING, encourages FEELINGS OF SUCCESS and one that is MEASURABLE and ATTAINABLE…  by not only them, but YOU.  (***I will reference this statement later on when I discuss Common Core)

Your beginning  literacy learner needs to learn the following before moving forward:

1.       Phonemic Awareness

2.       Decoding Skills (which stem from the phonetic teaching of sounds and words)

3.       Dolche words (YES, these word lists are STILL relevant)

4.       Proper handwriting technique

5.       Proper questioning technique:  Who, What, When, Where, Why and How

The Common Core standards are NOT BAD.  I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.  The problem with them is 2-fold; time constraints and the inability to offer REAL remediation to a child that just plain learns differently than others.  The curriculum is not designed to offer multi-sensory, individual learning style instruction. It is very much:  1. This is the lesson for today. 2. This is how you do it.  3.  You have 15 minutes to complete it.

THIS method of instruction is not beneficial for ANY child and DOES NOT foster a solid foundation.

I TOTALLY “get” the end result, but the means to the end is not quite developed enough yet to thrust our children into learning that way. The core does NOT foster a love for learning.  It has brought much anxiety, hatred for school, and frustration from parents, students and teachers.

I feel bad for the teachers…they have years of study, Bachelors and Masters level educations and are repeating a script, timed and robotic. 

SO, What programs do I use?

Simple. Old. Tried and True.

Kindergarten:

Explode the Code!  Yes, I am aware that this program was written in the 70’s. But you know what?  The English language is WAY older than that- and, it WORKS.

Handwriting without Tears Again, the first draft of this program did hit schools 30 years ago, but again, IT WORKS.

Good ‘Ol Dick and Jane :  I LOVE the success my child (and ALL of my “children” throughout the years) feels when reading a whole story. The Dick and Jane series was the perfect 1^st books for my child to read both guided and independently.

It is also IMPERATIVE that you READ ALOUD to your emerging reader daily.  I read to all 3 of my kiddos during “circle time” each morning.  We read the same story 5 days in a row. (Based on the Five in Row series) This allows for fluency, cross-curricular connections, the ability to have your child “be the teacher” towards the end of the week when he feels that he can read the book better than you can! ;-)

I am also using some Fountas and Pinnell  assessments and book lists.  I am blessed with a great early reader. One great way to not only correctly “level” their reading, but offer accurate district reporting, is completing  a reading level assessment. (or having it done if you are not trained)

Also, make sure that you have some HIGH interest, independent , appropriately leveled readers available at ALL times.  The more interest your child has in reading, the more often he or she will have in learning the basics, the more stamina he or she will have to finish what they started to read and last, but not least, the more JOY your child will find in reading.

What do I plan to use for 1^st grade literacy?

Explode the Code! 

D’Nelian Manuscript Writing

Sequential Spelling

As well as  hundreds of guided and independent choices, our weekly read-aloud selection and the addition of a read-aloud chapter book. (we already read the “Little House” series at night before bed) I plan to begin with the shorter Roald Dahl books. (ie. George’s Marvelous Medicine, The Twits,  Danny, The Champion of the World  and then move in to The BFG, The Witches, James and the Giant Peach and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Now, these resources are just the beginning. These are what I have used with many students over the years and what I chose to use with my own kindergartener, as well as what I plan to use with my younger two as well. I don’t guarantee ANY of my recommendations for ALL children. Remember, every child learns differently. You need to make an educated decision as to what will work BEST for your child.  You have already made the choice to put your child’s need ahead of your own and embark on this home school journey.  You are already ahead of the game!

 I do feel that the “teacher” is a VERY important catalyst in learning. Equally as important as the materials and the teacher, is the ENVIRONMENT in which to learn in.  Not all families are able to designate a specific area in the home JUST FOR SCHOOL. I am fortunate to be able to do so. [future post on classroom set up coming soon]

I hope that my recommendations may help you to prepare for another exciting school year at home with your babes. I feel like I have truly found the BEST of both worlds!

Any questions?  Leave me a comment!

You can also follow our daily antics via instagram  @daniteeple

{beBlessed} and have a GREAT DAY!

Mother's Day FIESTA

Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mommy's!
The weather in upstate NY was gorgeous today- finally!
I enjoyed my day with my guys, but I want to talk about the Mother's Day celebration I attended yesterday,  May 10th.

Some background first. Our family farm is rich in Mexican culture. We have many employees, year round, who are of Mexican ethnicity. As a family business,  we do have employees that, though not blood related, are so close to us they have become family. Our godson, Ethan, is the middle child of our "Mexican Family". We love them ALL so much and are always thrilled to participate in the rich culture and traditions that the  Mexican community in our area celebrates.

So, May 10th is Mother's Day in Mexico. It doesn't matter what day of the week it falls on,  it is always celebrated on May 10th. What a CELEBRATION!
Food...Whoa the food!
Music, Dancing and A LOT of love.
THIS is what I really want to talk about tonight, though.  Love. [ but seriously,  the tamales were EPIC]

THE FIESTA!

Every woman in the room (read: our giant warehouse) was hugged and kissed by EVERYONE that joined the party. "Happy Mother's Day" was joyously proclaimed. Every woman looked stunning.  Beautifully dressed, gorgeous shoes (seriously AMAZING shoes) women of ALL shapes and sizes, young and old-ALL of them made to feel as if they were special.  Where is THIS in American culture?

Every man was a doting husband, involved father, affectionate dance partner- Serving his wife...and other women at the table.  

Over the years,  we have become close with the migrant worker ministry as well. The pastor and lay leader were here and I think my favorite  moment of the night was, my baby being serenaded in Spanish by this amazing man- who LIVES to share the word of God with the migrant community.

Community is the key word. What an amazing feeling of community I felt last night. My boys danced the night away. My husband enjoyed fun and fellowship with men that currently work for him, who have worked for him in the past and those whom he had never met. We were the only "white people" in the room, but I never ONCE felt "different".

Can we say the same of our dear friends on an average day living in America? At Wal-Mart... the grocery store... a restaurant?

Here in America, we live to discriminate. The average American looks first for differences- before looking for similarities. The average American uses these differences to justify status.

I, personally,  have been whispered about due to my size.  I have witnessed multiple acts of discrimination towards my Hispanic friends, my African American friends, my friends with special needs- and those who are just plain different.

That's what "we" do.
Yay America.
Right?

Our country was the "Melting Pot"...now, if you're not the right blend of cheesy mush, you're not welcome to join the dip in the pot.

I would rather spend my Saturday with 100 people who speak a different language than me, but show me and everyone else around me nothing but LOVE---than spend an hour with the "average", judgemental American.

HOW can WE be the catalyst for change?  We need to LIVE our lives centered on LOVE.  Who's with me?

{beBlessed} and have a GREAT night!

I've got the Joy (joy joy joy) in my soul!

I love that song. I'm not even positive how it really goes, but that is how my head sings it every time I think of the word, JOY!
My babies have been SICK this past week. The stomach bug has been traveling through our area like wild fire.  I will be SO happy when my house is free of all yuckiness!
As for me....I. FELL. AMAZING.
I guess I had forgotten what it actually felt like to feel "good". Thanks be to God, for bringing me to LIV Wellness for treatment. I could not have felt this good, this quickly, via any other method of treatment.
I still have one boy getting rid of the stomach bug,  so I will keep today's post short, but I wanted to make sure I wrote something about Mother's Day and it's significance, to me.
Actually, I don't feel like mother's day is any different than any other day. In my world,  every day is mothers day. If we train our children up in the ways of the Lord,  they will honor and respect us, as their Mama's every day!  What good is a day AWAY from your babies when they are the ones that made you a Mama, anyway! I like to spend my Mother's day with my family. We spend it with animals, outside, together. No gifts,because, let's face it- flushing the toilet is a better gift than ANY piece of jewelry, candle or bottle of lotion ANY DAY.
So, I guess what I'm saying is; Mama's -we all are tired, we are ALL being pulled in a thousand different directions. BUT, we have all been given a gift. The privilege of raising and training these little hearts to be loving, kind, generous, faithful and true. To love their God,  to love their family and to live simply.

Our babies are the ultimate gift...they are all that we really need.

{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day!

May is for JOY!

Happy May, everyone!

I know I'm a day late and a dollar short,  but I have been busy and tackling my little ol ' illness with ferocity so, I give myself a "pass"...for now!
I have decided to declare May to be the month of JOY!
It has been a really long time since I have been able to feel truly "Joyful". I have been sick,  both physically and, well, mentally, for some time now and finally having a diagnosis (yeah!) and even better, yet, a treatment plan (WOO HOO!) is enough to make me jump for JOY!  Have any of you ever had a doctor...or in my case 3 doctors, tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with you, when you KNOW that there is? Frustrating, is putting mildly.
Anyway.....I am not going to dwell on the "lost time", but I am going to focus on the JOYFUL time that is to come!

I am reading the book of Philippians this month. I love how JOYFUL Paul is, when writing to the people of the church that he began prior to his incarceration. I mean, the man is in JAIL and he STILL is exuding JOY and LOVE for the Lord and the people he taught to follow Him.

My list of FAVORITE THINGS this month is a list of 50 things that BRING ME JOY! There will obviously be some repeats from month to month, but if you truly LOVE something, how could they NOT carry over? 
***to my husband: I am including some things that could  bring me Joy IF they were gifted to me, as well.  ;-)  hint hint...Mother's Day is in 8 days!♡♡♡

Without further ado, the list:
1. Jesus
2. My handsome stud of a husband
3. Jackson
4. Philip
5. Levi
6. Louisa Maria
7. Babies playing with Louisa
8. Laughter
9. Sassy 6 year Olds (not the sassiness per say, but his sarcasm...he is really funny)
10. Music
11. My piano
12. Singing voices
13. Paint on canvas
14. The smell of baby shampoo
15. Glitter
16. Glitter ON SHOES
17. Pretty leather journals
18. My bible
19. Fun craft projects
20. Writing stories with my boys
21. Grass
22. Mud
23. The blue heron that greets me every morning
24. Sight and Sound theatre
25. The soundtrack of Moses from S&S
26. Big cat eye sunglasses
27. Purple manic panic
28. Etsy
29. Druzy (see ****) ♡♡♡♡♡
30. Turquoise (again, see ****)
31. OPI Brazil collection
32. Graphic T's
33. Flowers
34. Specifically G E R B E R A D A I S I E S [Do we have that???? ;-)]
35. SUNSHINE...when it's here
36. Acupuncture
37. Chinese herbs
38. Rain boots...uh- hem
39. Washi tape
40. My erin condren life planner
41. Chalk. Call me crazy,  but I LOVE my chalkboard
42. Bubbles
43. Epsom salts
44. Peanut Butter Banana Smoothies
45. Instagram
46. My "insta- followers"
47. My church
48. My church ministries
49. Coffee
50. SLEEP

That's it folks.  My list for this month!
What are some things that bring you joy? Share them here!
If you would like to follow me on instagram, my photos will be displaying my JOY throughout the month!
@daniteeple is my insta- name

{beBlessed } and have a GREAT day!