School Supplies and Biblical Algebra

Don't you just LOVE a new notebook? No? You're not a crazy - lady like I am? :-)
Well, I think I love school supplies more than I love diamonds...for schizzle. A new notebook and a fresh felt tip pen is the equivalent of the hope diamond for me.
That being said, I thought "Hey, if I'm going to start using a new notebook for my daily bible study...why not try a new study method? (I seriously have a problem)
One thing I must say is that CHANGE is VERY hard for me. VERY. But, God WANTS us to jump out of our comfort zone...because it is THERE where He REALLY speaks to us, right? SO...I have had the book,  Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin for some time now. I had read it once and thought, "nah...this method is so different than what I'm doing...not ready for that.
" WELL...the Lord pointed me back to this book, and ya'll... let me TELL YOU I am seeing things through FRESH EYES. AND....it is AWESOME. [Imagine my best Australian accent encouraged by the lovely Christine Caine.]

Make you smile? :-)

Anywho... I made my enlarged copies of the 2nd half of the book of Acts and began my NEW and IMPROVED study method. Well...
Wow.
A quick recap of Acts 16. Paul and Silas meet up with Timothy...they get him squared away (read:circumcised) and Paul has a dream of a man in Macedonia asking for his help.  (Paul had previously been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to travel there to share the gospel) So...Paul takes this vision as an act of permission from God and they head out to Macedonia.
They hang out for a bit...as they do in each place they visit, and then head out on the Sabbath to find a place to pray. They meet Lydia, the purple fabric lady...get her Saved and make friends with her household...which she opens up to them.
AFTER ALL OF THIS they go into town ...Paul commands a demon to leave a slave girl, whom was being used as a money making fortune teller. Her owners got mad, got Paul and his homies beaten up and jailed.
That night- God commanded a giant earthquake that shook the prison and flung the doors open. The jail guard was ready to off himself, thinking that all of his prisoners had escaped - but Paul cries out, "NO! Don't! We are all still here"

THIS MOMENT is what I want to really talk about.

The jailer throws himself at Paul's feet and asks "what MUST I DO to be SAVED?"

5 minutes ago, this man was the enforcer. The Jailer. The one in CHARGE. Yet, be it the fact that God just, literally, rocked his world,  or the fact that Paul cried out and stopped him from taking his own life...either way, he was now ready to bow down to the ONE in charge. He wanted salvation.
So...Paul spoke the gospel and told him that he must welcome Jesus into his heart. Paul took him and his household that VERY HOUR to be baptized and then they all rejoiced because they believed.

This new method of study gave me a whole new perspective of this chapter in the giant "book of all books."

(I used to think this whole chapter was about the Holy Spirit giving permission to go to Asia and then the magistrates being forced to escort Paul out of the city)

NO. The Lord wanted me to see His truth in action. Jesus gave us the formula. Paul had been out preaching it- and this is a perfect example.

Jesus+Baptism+Belief=SALVATION
Salvation = reason to REJOICE!

It is so simple, yet we lose sight of it daily.

Life throws us lemons. It does. Sometimes my days just stink. Dirty diaper stinky!

Some days, I don't feel like rejoicing.

Heck, some days, I sin so bad that I worry that I have lost my salvation.

But, then?

Jesus.

Paul was beaten up. Straight up stripped and flogged, locked in jail with his feet and hands bound.
My crummy days are NOTHING in comparison to the pain and suffering Paul endured to share the gospel. He just kept using the formula.
Jesus+baptism+belief =salvation

We all have a reason to rejoice. His mercies are new EVERY morning.

{beBlessed} and Have a GREAT day!

Breaking the ties that bind me...to facebook

I am one week sober.
I feel amazing.
I feel...FREE.

I'm not talking about  booze, I haven't had a drink in MANY years. I am talking about kicking the Facebook habit.

I haven't deleted my account...but I have deleted the app from my phone, deleted messenger, and deleted all "linking" media.

I havent sworn off all social media though. Here's why. Other social media outlets, such as instagram, pinterest and even twitter. (Yes, I now have a twitterpater!!!) Allow ME to be in control. But not in a rude way.
Let me explain by elaborating on all of the things that were bothersome to me about Facebook.

*If I was your friend in kindergarten (35 years ago) and I didn't accept your friend request and then  I saw you in Wal Mart and you confronted me as to why... I had to give you an answer.

*If I had been your friend in college and we interact online and I saw you at the mall and you blatantly ignored me. ..I question my self worth.

* If I update my status with biblical truth and words of wisdom that I choose to live my life by...and raise my children by...and then YOU publicly attack me (on "my" Facebook page ) regarding my beliefs...

*I feel bad if I delete you...especially if I see you on a daily basis (in real life)

*if I post a photo of my children (so out of town family can see their adorable antics) it isn't an open invitation to screenshot and share my photo on your own page. Or question my parenting skills...publicly.

...I could continue. But I wont.

I became enslaved to the perfect picture. To the bullying. To the attempt to seem "friendly" with someone I don't really connect with.

***FRIENDSHIP IS MORE THAN A SERIES OF STATUS UPDATES***

I needed to be social with who I wanted to be social with.

Why are Instagram and twitter so different?
SO much more control.
I control the WHO and the WHAT.
95% percent of my Instagram pals are Christian Mommy Bloggers. Throw in a few authors, speakers and artists and I am surrounded by like minded, safe, real people who are doing life the same way that I am.

Twitterpater is all about the pastors and wxxi...for reals.

And pinterest...shoot. I don't personally know ANY of the people I follow. I just like their Chai tea lattes in a blender, their living room curtains and their garden trellises made from cheese.

This past week...

Know what? I don't have my nose buried in my phone writing status updates. On my tablet reading status updates.

I have my nose buried in the bible, in the music on my piano  and in my children's necks.

I am doing life...and then tweeting about it. Not creating a "status" and living up to the creation.

Wanna feel as free as a baby with no diaper?... (cuz that's what's happening in my world as I write this)

Take a break from facebook. You will find your REAL friends again.

{beBlessed} and have  a GREAT day!

p.s. hash tags are super fun.

A Clanging Cymbal...

Me. That's me. A Clanging Cymbal.
I had lost my way. Terribly.

I have spent the last 6 days sick.
When I say sick...I mean...I did not leave my bed (read; toilet) for SIX DAYS.
I had salmonella poisoning or infection or whatever it is even considered. I have given birth 3 times. Had major abdominal surgery. Kidney stones...but THIS. WHOA.

Anyway..let me get back to my theme, here. In an effort save money to enable our family to travel more freely, the Farmer and I have only one television that is "working" and by that I mean, only one Fire stick in the house. So, for the past week I did not have a television to watch (listen to) while writhing in stomach pain. What I did have-was my mind...my bible...and the Holy Spirit.

You see, when there aren't any other distractions...I can focus. Focus on my sins. Focus on my needs. Focus on asking for forgiveness.

I needed to.

I have studied the Bible. I have studied theology. I have studied the art of worship...biblical history...counseling..etc
But even the STRONGEST "book-faith" can't keep a heart from hardening. I had hardened. Rock solid.

I have never been good with change. Especially change that I did not initiate. I have been dealing with a LOT of change. Most of it good...but overwhelming.

This change has pulled me away from my "norm". ..away from MY control...away way from MY way.
But, as any good Jesus scholar should know...it's not about MY way...it's about  HIS way.

I don't know how this whirlwind of change hardened me as deeply as it did. I don't know how I turned into this judgemental, holier than Thou person.

I am a sinner. I'm no different than anyone else. I need grace just as much as the next guy.
Judah Smith talks about sin like a McDonald's menu. I love the analogy. You can supersize it or value size it...in OUR heads.
But, God.
God doesn't have a sin rubric. He doesn't grade us on the severity of our sin. Sin is Sin.
And I am a sinner.

But.

He loves me.

He loves me So flipping much.

He loves ALL of us so flipping much.

The sinners. The bad people. The naughty people. Those of us who don't believe He even exists...HE. LOVES. US.

So...who the heck am I to judge you?

I'm sorry. I forgot Who lives in my heart. I knew where He lived on the pages of my bible. I knew where He lived in my memory and through music. But, I forgot that He lives in MY HEART.

Jesus forgives.
Jesus heals.
Jesus blesses.
Jesus loves.

I'm thankful for the chicken disease. Call me crazy- but,because of it, I unlocked the door to my heart again. And the Guy inside...He welcomed me back with OPEN arms. He always does.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging symbol."
1 Corinthians 13:1

Hello. My name is...

I haven't written in a HOT minute!

I got busy. I have spent the last three months at "home", at my Alma mater, working on Thoroughly Modern Millie. Such fun. Such pride I have towards these kids. ♡

When I last left you, I had asked for prayer and some clarity as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with my little old life.
That sounds way too profound.

Let me rephrase. I am Mama and Teacher A#1 1st before everything. But, I mean, I have a very limited (yet extensive) skill set, that cost a bajillion (not exactly) dollars to educate.

To recap: I was offered a super awesome amazing job. Turned it down-as it wasn't conducive to raising and teaching my little tribe...but the long and the short of it...I felt in my heart that there was something MORE that was going to be asked of me. Something greater.

I had a few prophetic words spoken over me that alluded to such- and I took to learning a quartet full of stringed instruments as a result.

Throw in crazy prayer and fasting...and...well....

Nothin'.

It is SO HARD to let it all roll off. To be humbled and patient. To be silent and let the voice of our Lord speak.

BUT...what do you do if He doesnt?

I have always had a deep connection to my Savior.  I used to believe that I had a pretty legit and intense prayer life. But I am starting to doubt myself now. I can't hear Him.

Why?

Have I hit the mute button on my heavenly line?

I had this "signature song" that I used to sing. The chorus  goes...
"Operator, information, give me Jesus on the line. Oh oh oh operator information I'd like to speak to a friend if mine-
Prayer is the number
Faith is the exchange
Heaven is the street
And Jesus is His name.."

I sing this song to myself sometimes...and lately, I feel like I'm getting a busy signal ALL THE TIME.

(If you are under 25 and reading this you probably have NO IDEA what a busy signal sounds like. Google it)

It is so easy to lose faith. I now know how it happens to people. There is this "lost in the wilderness" feeling that I can only describe as feeling like I'm standing in the  fun house mirror that makes you look short with thousands of people around me that are giant.

I know that I am to give up more of me so that I can have more of Him.

I get that.

But I also know that I need to share His love with whomever will listen...and there is really only one way that I know how... and, well,that's not possible here.

I need to grow where I'm planted. I get that too. But was I planted as a tomato and expected to grow as a squash?

I don't know that either.

The only thing I know how to do is pray. So I guess I'll keep on doing that. Who knows- maybe my direct line was knocked off the hook.
I'll get through...eventually .