Hello. My name is...

I haven't written in a HOT minute!

I got busy. I have spent the last three months at "home", at my Alma mater, working on Thoroughly Modern Millie. Such fun. Such pride I have towards these kids. ♡

When I last left you, I had asked for prayer and some clarity as to what exactly I'm supposed to do with my little old life.
That sounds way too profound.

Let me rephrase. I am Mama and Teacher A#1 1st before everything. But, I mean, I have a very limited (yet extensive) skill set, that cost a bajillion (not exactly) dollars to educate.

To recap: I was offered a super awesome amazing job. Turned it down-as it wasn't conducive to raising and teaching my little tribe...but the long and the short of it...I felt in my heart that there was something MORE that was going to be asked of me. Something greater.

I had a few prophetic words spoken over me that alluded to such- and I took to learning a quartet full of stringed instruments as a result.

Throw in crazy prayer and fasting...and...well....

Nothin'.

It is SO HARD to let it all roll off. To be humbled and patient. To be silent and let the voice of our Lord speak.

BUT...what do you do if He doesnt?

I have always had a deep connection to my Savior.  I used to believe that I had a pretty legit and intense prayer life. But I am starting to doubt myself now. I can't hear Him.

Why?

Have I hit the mute button on my heavenly line?

I had this "signature song" that I used to sing. The chorus  goes...
"Operator, information, give me Jesus on the line. Oh oh oh operator information I'd like to speak to a friend if mine-
Prayer is the number
Faith is the exchange
Heaven is the street
And Jesus is His name.."

I sing this song to myself sometimes...and lately, I feel like I'm getting a busy signal ALL THE TIME.

(If you are under 25 and reading this you probably have NO IDEA what a busy signal sounds like. Google it)

It is so easy to lose faith. I now know how it happens to people. There is this "lost in the wilderness" feeling that I can only describe as feeling like I'm standing in the  fun house mirror that makes you look short with thousands of people around me that are giant.

I know that I am to give up more of me so that I can have more of Him.

I get that.

But I also know that I need to share His love with whomever will listen...and there is really only one way that I know how... and, well,that's not possible here.

I need to grow where I'm planted. I get that too. But was I planted as a tomato and expected to grow as a squash?

I don't know that either.

The only thing I know how to do is pray. So I guess I'll keep on doing that. Who knows- maybe my direct line was knocked off the hook.
I'll get through...eventually .