Pleasingly plump

The first time I remember being called fat was in 1st grade. My teacher, Mrs. Nicholson, heard the entire altercation and when it was all over and I was feeling pretty crummy she called me over to her desk and told me that when I got home to run around my yard 25 times and do that every day and I wouldn't be fat anymore.
...and I did.
But....I was.

Words.

In 3rd grade, I punched a boy right square in the nose for mooing at me. I had a pretty cool teacher that year so, I didn't get into as much trouble as I should have,  she empathized with me and didn't make a huge deal out of what I
did.

Words....actions.

In 4th grade, we took a field trip to Albany. We got to ride the train and stay over night and it was a HUGE event. On the train, the boys all sat together in a section where the seats faced each other. They were ranking the girls (yes at age 9) by how they looked. [I was sitting in the row behind them.] I heard them list off all of my friends and lastly, they added me, noting, "but she is really fat."

Words.

It didn't stop in 4th grade...it actually got progressively worse...but I got progressively thinner and thinner.

7th and 8th grade were brutal...but that is to be expected.
In high school I was a 3 sport athlete, dancer and rode my bicycle everywhere I wanted to go because we loved outside of town. I quickly transformed from fat girl to a perfect size 4. Seriously.  Naturally. Without crazy dieting. I had simply...grown up. Here's the catch though. My body was DIFFERENT from my friends. You know how some girls are twiggy and don't quite "fill out" until they are in their late teens? Those were my friends. I had hips....I had boobs and I looked like a 'woman'.
Know what though? I was still called fat.

In 9th grade, my grandmother bought me this BEAUTIFUL 2 piece swim suit. It was high waisted navy blue with white piping.  Picture Annette Funicello in Back to the Beach- gorgeous.  I wore it once. Was laughed at, called a cow and I never.wore.it.again.

Words.

In 10th grade, I began to lift weights. I was a soccer player and figured out that if I lifted, my penalty kicks had some seriously legit power.  And as I lifted more...I was able to do some CRAZY AWESOME tap tricks in dance class, as well..so lifting was something I loved to do.
When you build muscle. ..you what? 
GAIN WEIGHT.

I had strep throat before my sophomor year musical. I needed to get some antibiotics in me quickly so that I could sing and dance my way to the Worlds Fair! At the doctors office that day, at 15 years old, I was wearing size 6 GAP jeans and  size medium express t-shirt. (Yes.  I remember. You would too)
I sat on the table, waiting for Nurse Eleanor to swab my throat. (She was awesome...I loved that lady, God rest her soul)
Well. Eleanor wasn't there that day and the doc came in, instead.  (Who also happened to be my boyfriends dad...I know- Weird small town logistics)
He swabbed my throat. Put it in the gooey stuff. Sat on his rolley stool and turned to my mom. And said, " according to my charts,  at 5'4" and 158 lbs, Danielle has crossed in to the OBESE category on my chart. We need to get her on a diet. "

[Seriously, just typing that just made my stomach sink and I feel like I've been shot]

There was no questioning of that information. There was no discussion of body type and muscle mass. The government made the chart and what the government says, goes. Done deal.

Words.

That moment. Those words. Started a domino effect [ that is STILL traveling quickly,  tipping over the next little white rectangle in its path.]

1. My.mother promptly monitored every.single.calorie. that I put in my body.  Still does. Don't think it will EVER stop.
2. I became SO self concious, that I became EXTREMELY unhealthy in the 10+ years that were to follow.  (Especially with a career ON STAGE)
3. I broke up with the doctor's son boy. I REALLY liked him too...but I couldn't stand the "obvious truth" that his dad had gone home and trash talked me (like everyone else had my whole life) to him. Doc never said anything to him,  it was all in my head. But, I hurt the boy...because I was hurting.
4. I, at 36 years, old can tell you the EXACT moment, when words DESTROYED my self worth. My willingness to Look at myself as ANYTHING but flawed.

Words.

In college my weight would fluctuate drastically.  I learned from my dance teacher in college that if I drank coffee all day, smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and took dexatrim....I could maintain an "acceptable" performance physique.  

At that time,  I had another boyfriend.  We were together for almost 6 years. We had big plans.  Until...
I quit the smoking, coffee, dexatrim diet and I plumped up a bit. He left me so quickly my head started to spin. He took a liking to my barbie doll best friend instead and married her. OBVIOUSLY he was super flawed and God wanted that to happen.  THANK YOU JESUS!!!

That was the final straw. That was it. My entire being was defined by my size.

Words. Numbers.

I spent the rest of my 20's...well almost the rest ... yo-yoing up and down with every single fad diet that came out. Atkins, SouthBeach, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig. All of em. They all worked for as long as I could handle (or afford) to be on them. ..but as I would stop them,  I would plump right up again.

Flash forward to my amazing husband.  When we got married...I was a size 16.  Since that day, we have been blessed with 4 pregnancies and 3 beautiful children here on earth with us.

Guess what? I'm not a size 16 any more.  Guess what else...I have a disease with my adrenal glands (probably from all the years of abuse) I am pretty much going to BE fat forever.

FAT.

1 word that has been thrown at me my entire life. FAT. However,  I will NOT let this word define me anymore. I will NOT let others try to CHANGE ME, or define my self worth anymore. Know why? Because God loves me. God doesn't make mistakes. He made me in HIS image.  It can't be bad.  He made people different...for a REASON.
Who are YOU to judge?
Who are YOU to try and change someone? Who are YOU to say that something that our great and powerful GOD, made the way that He did, isn't GOOD ENOUGH?

Not a mean boy in elementary school.
Not a mean girl in middle school.
Not a silly doctor in high school.
Not a superficial boyfriend in college.
Not SOCIETY. NO ONE should be given that much power.

Words hurt. As much as this message was cleansing for me. As much as it was meant to be an encouragement to girls who are suffering through the same hurts that I did.   This message was meant to demonstrate how POWERFUL WORDS ARE.

Speak life. 

Photos are in order: 1st grade through present day. Musical photo of me in pink dress was taken the same week as the doctor visit.
{BeBlessed} and have a GREAT DAY!