A season of busy is WAY better than a season of PANIC.

Goodness, I am starting to think that there should be a 5th season and just call it BUSY!


First of all, whoever came up with the cockamamie idea that "Homeschooled children are anti-social and have no friends" is a doofus. Can I get an Amen, homeschooling, Mamas? I don't stop running!  Between playdates, field trips, our community homeschool group, sports and play practice...my kids are WELL socialized, and so am I.  Praise GOD!;-) As busy as we are though, I am thankful...because I few short years ago...I didn't even leave my house.

One of the hardest things for me to adjust to, when I left the "real world" and became at SAHM (or WORK at home Mom, as I like to note) The thing I missed the most was my friends.At the time, the only interaction I had during the day was an 18 month old baby and I was 7 months pregnant...during Apple Harvest! I missed having SOMEONE to talk to. I would put the Dude down for a nap, watch marathons of Jon and Kate +8  and talk to the television! (don't judge)
 I was alone.  Isolated, not only by geographic location, but because of my belief in raising my OWN children versus remaining in the work force to raise OTHER people's children.

 After having a preemie, I became neurotic. I have NO shame admitting that.  My doctor seriously called me that.  It wasn't post partum depression, like everyone and their brother wanted to label me as,  It was pure and simple, PANIC.

When you spend days and days sitting at the bedside of this little life that you have been growing inside you, as he has a tube down his throat, eating through another tube in his stomach with a giant needle providing medicine in his head, your brain goes places. Its really hard to explain. You think about scenarios that NO ONE should have to think about, and few actually have to live. I would pray for solace. I would pray for peace in my heart.  I would pray for healing. And, then I would find myself bargaining with God.  Like...if you let him get better, and grow stronger, I PROMISE to...

The first time I got to hold Philip.  2 days old.

After we were home and beginning to have some semblance of normalcy, my brain would STILL go to that ugly place. I didn't do ANYTHING outside of the house without my husband or mother. I didn't trust myself. Seriously.
I did't sleep.
I was constantly up, staring at my baby.  Making sure that he was breathing.
Making sure that we had clear route out of the house in case of a fire.
Making sure that there was an alternate route in case the 1st route was obstructed.
 Making sure that my phone was charged in case I had to leave quickly.
Where was a weapon? Was it l ready in case someone broke in to our home and tried to steal my children?
Where are my car keys, ok, I have the spare set here next to the bed in case I need to leave during the night. Shoot, I wasn't going to be the one to drive anywhere...I was scared of that too!

 I had pants, shoes and my purse at my bedside in case....in case...

In case of WHAT?



Why?

I can 100% tell you why.

I was WAY to worried about the "things" that could hurt us, instead of putting my FAITH in the ONE that would protect us.

I was a Christian then...but I wasn't Christian.
Did you catch that?

I was A Christian, but I wasn't Christian.

Sure, I went to church, I prayed, I did a devotional...but I wasn't committing my BEING to Christ. I wasn't giving my thoughts to Him.   I hadn't totally dedicated my LIFE to Him.

Does that make sense?

God has a way of guiding you, through His word and prayer -that only happens when you LET GO and LET GOD.  I know that you have heard that saying before, right?  And it is TRUTH!



We don't have control.  We can't predict the future...and HE doesn't want us to.  What He wants us to do is to TRUST Him. THIS, my dear friends, has been the hardest task I have ever had to do. I had a professor, during my pastoral studies, that gave us all this assignment. He said to us, "Unless YOU have completely given yourself to Christ, you could never guide anyone else to follow His path" It was time to give up the WORLD and give in to the Creator of It All.

Know what?  It has been the BEST task that I have ever completed. Today, almost 5 years since the early birth of my middle man, Philip, I can say with 100% conviction, I am still HERE because I trusted God.

Are YOU ready to put your trust in Him?  I promise you, you won't regret it.

Great is His faithfulness. His mercies are new, EVERY morning.
lamentations 3:23




{beBlessed} and have a GREAT day!