Relationships are more important than books?

“Relationships are more important than books” – as a middle school English teacher, those words would have NEVER been said in that order! Oh my stars! Can you imagine what those moody, pubescent, stinky critters would have done if I HAD said this?

Fast forward 4 years…This morning, as the smiling eyes of my class of three stared at me waiting for the first activity of the day, I said, “Relationships are MORE important than books.”  You see, as a mother, I have a responsibility to not only teach my children how to build their minds, but I also have the task of teaching them how to build a LIFE.

I, myself, attended public school.  I grew up in a small town, where you knew everyone.

My kindergarten teacher was late for school every morning.  The mommy’s would take turns staying with us, as we played, until she got there. Or, sometimes, Sam, our beloved custodian would stay with us. The lunch ladies would make her breakfast, which she would lovingly share with us each morning. [cinnamon raison toast!]. We would play house, sing songs at the piano, and we even had multiple weddings! She visited me at home when I had the chicken pox and made me a pot of soup.  The school year ended with her entire kindergarten class by her side at her wedding.

My 1^st grade teacher sat with me in church on Sundays.  She made me cookies. I visited her at her home, after school, to do some extra reading  and we remained close, until she moved south to escape the cold.

My 4^th grade teacher was the mother of one of my closest friends, my 5^th grade teacher and I wrote letters to each other well into my college years, and my 6^th grade teacher helped me get published for the 1^st time. All three of these ladies were present at the calling hours and funerals of family members, attended all of my activities throughout high school and, since moving back in to the area 10 years ago, I socialize with all three, and one very special lady attends all of my shows and concerts.

What I am trying to exemplify here, is that REAL teaching is BASED on RELATIONSHIPS!

In a day and age where curriculum changes, test scores, competition with other countries, a diminishing job market, outsourcing and the like have commandeered our education system, the biggest loss that our children our experiencing is the loss of building relationships.

Can you imagine what would happen if a 1^st grade teacher invited one of her students over after school to read magazines and bake cookies? It’s horrible, how, over the course of 30 years, our country has lost faith in education, lost faith in each other…pretty much lost faith in humanity. The increased sexualization of America has created the immediate knee jerk reaction in response to a teacher showing fondness for a child. That if a keen interest is taken with a student, the teacher must have a “sexual attraction” to him or her-  so there would be no other reason for that fondness.  What about the child that has great skill? A spark of talent? It is possible that a child that builds a HUMAN RELATIONSHIP with a teacher could become the next Maya Angelou!  Michael Jordan!  Renee Fleming!

Teachers are no longer allowed to build relationships. Not only are they forbidden to make connections and encourage outside of the classroom parameters…they simply don’t have the TIME to. Standardizing education is going to grow nothing more than robots. Like the hundreds of child-bots in Spy Kids that help Floop capture Antonio Bandaras! What we are creating within those 45 states that have adopted the Common Core, are kindergarten aged children who can rattle off every single thing known to mankind about Christopher Columbus, how to use an array or “tens box” to show how they acquired an answer to a formerly memorized addition fact, or how they can memorize words, without truly knowing their meaning.

Our children aren’t learning how to be friends.  They aren’t playing house, school, or restaurant.  They are playing engineer, web designer or zombie killer.  These children aren’t playing hunters, pirates or cowboys, because GOD FORBID they pretend to use a gun.  But they are launching birds through bricks, demolishing the building then killing the bird. They are fighting with light sabers instead of swords. They are playing with apps instead of a piece of cardboard with little plastic pawns. Their play time has become solitary, when in order to build friendships they NEED to spend time with playing with others.  REALLY playing…not virtually.

I NEVER intended to homeschool my children.  I NEVER thought that I would want my children to be “without friends”, or the “norm” of a daily school structure. But, the further we travel on this homeschool journey, the more THANKFUL I am for making this decision.

MY children know that relationships are more important than books {books being the metaphor for mandated curriculum} They play house…they are going to be great husbands and father’s some day. They play school…they love to share their knowledge. They LOVE to play restaurant where they can cook and serve…it’s great that they will be able to follow a recipe and make a meal and that they have the desire to serve others. They love to “hunt” in the orchard and play pirate while their swing set plays the role of the Jolly Roger.

My boys are definitely not without friends! Not only are they playing together, but they have a great group of friends! We frequent the Strong Museum of Play, both the Syracuse and Rochester zoos, indoor playgrounds(during the winter), outdoor parks, trails and playgrounds when the weather is nice. We visit the Memorial Art Gallery and the boys have been attending shows with the Rochester Broadway Theatre league since they were in utero! (literally)  We run our stand as a family.  We travel to farmers markets together. We go on road trips and enjoy all that our church offers. We have taught them manners and the art of polite conversation. We are living our lives by treating EVERYTHING as an educational experience.

Though this educational path is not considered “normal”, it is THEIR normal. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with learning along side of your siblings. Who ever came up with that?  Who came up with the stereotype that “homeschooled kids” are shy, introverted and social awkward?  My boys are the complete OPPOSITE of that stereotype.  And you know what, I have yet to meet a child schooled at home that is ANY of those aforementioned things. The truth is, kids that are homeschooled are LOVED so much, that they thrive on and could survive on nothing but LOVE. There are no bullies, there are no cliques, there are no mandated pre-tests that create the feeling of failure.

 And for those of you who like to be snarky out of earshot of the “homeschooling mom”…we are NOT creating a bubble for our children to live in, away from the “real” world.  That too, is a stereotype that I find amusing. If you think that my children don’t know what is going on around them…ask them?  Ask The Dude what a state test is?  Ask Bubby what a bully is?  I, as a homeschooling mom, am simply creating a learning environment and childhood for my boys that I can be proud of- One that they will look back on with fondness. One that will give them the foundation to live successfully  and to do whatever they choose to. {However, becoming the 5^th generation of this beautiful farm would be wonderful. J} Most importantly, I take pride in showing them how to live within a loving family, that their siblings are their 1^st friends and should be their forever friends, and that relationships are better than books- any day.

 “ Sometimes it’s necessary to put aside the books and work on relationships.  Homeschooling is a family lifestyle, not just another form of school.” ~  Jen at the blog  Forever, For Always, No Matter What:

Have a BLESSED day.